Help Your Child Prepare for College Application Stress

There was an interesting article in the Philadelphia Inquirer earlier this week. The headline says it all: "The year that puts students to the test. As the scramble to get into college intensifies, is it any wonder that juniors feel overwhelmed?" In the article, juniors at Philadelphia high schools discuss their fear and anxiety over their upcoming college application process, and it's not a pretty picture.

In my last post here, I talked about ways parents can relieve their stress over their children's college application journey. Today, I'd like to talk a bit about the most important thing a parent can do to help their child through the admissions process, which is help your child manage all of the stress and anxiety that comes with putting themselves out there to be judged by colleges and universities. That process actually begins now before your child has even finalized his or her college list.

Katherine Dahisgaard, PhD., of NYU Child Study Center, has put together a terrific list of suggestions for helping your teen cope with the stress of applying to college. While acknowledging that stress is an inevitable part of the process, Dahisgaard believes that applying to college is also a key opportunity for students to learn the coping skills and tools they'll need throughout their life.

Dahisgaard suggests that parents find a calm moment before the fall frenzy begins to ask their child, "How can I help you best?" Does your child want you to give hands-on help or take a more distanced yet supportive role? I talk a great deal here about the importance of finding the right matches between students and colleges, but Dahisgaard has hit upon something that is just as important: Parental involvement in the process should also match up with the individual child. Some students are very independent and highly motivated. They don't need (and may not want) their parents hovering over every step they take through college applications. Other students tend to have a hard time getting started with projects, or may welcome more help and support from their parents. Parents who ignore their child's individual personality style can inadvertently end up adding more stress in the guise of trying to help.

Some of the other advice Dahisgaard gives to parents about helping their children through the process: Remain relentlessly calm and optimistic. Don't let your child's anxiety become your own. Keep your child's expectations realistic, and, most of all, "Maintain your sense of humor. Laughter and good times together make any experience bearable."

As a parent myself, I know that it's not always as easy as Dahisgaard makes it sound, especially when the clock is ticking down to the application deadline. However, every parent staring down the long, dark tunnel of college applications should tack a copy of her suggestions to the refrigerator for the times ahead.


Related Links:

- Helping Teenagers with Stress from the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

- Managing Stress Depends on Learning Foucs and Control